Tag: socio-economic status

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Can We Be True To Our Own Identity, On And Offline?

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Elizabeth and I am both thrilled and somewhat nervous to have been invited to write a guest blog on the UIO podcast page. Writing a blog is a first for me so here goes….!

This week we are focusing on both identity and online wellbeing, topics that we’ve covered in our latest podcast. Though a person’s identity is shaped by many different aspects – family, culture, friends, personal interests, education, gender, religion, sexuality, socio-economic groups and so on, some factors may have more of an influence than others and as a person grows up, they are influenced by many aspects of their life. For example, family and culture may influence a person’s sense of responsibilities, ethics, morals, and humour, whereas friends may influence a person’s taste in clothing, music, speech, and social activities.

I believe however, that personal interests are what truly set individuals apart and shape identity. An individual is not a puppet and should be encouraged to explore what they like and don’t like, rather than following the crowd. To this end, society has had limited impact on my lifestyle, mostly because I tend not to follow trends. For example, throughout my teens I listened to Rock music while my friends followed the music trends at that time, such as Bros–even putting the bottle tops on their shoes! (Showing my age here!!!)

This tendency of mine to not follow my friends followed me into adulthood. I had several amazing jobs in the corporate world working in a 9 to 5 role, but always felt that working in this way wasn’t for me. So, partly due to circumstance and partly because I felt trapped, I re-trained as a personal trainer and sports coach, and then later as a digital marketer and VA.

Admittedly, having a career doing a role I actually like helps me to keep my identity as ‘Elizabeth,’ while also enjoying being a busy mum of two. Moreover, I love being in a position to be able to be a positive role model, giving everyone the same opportunities in sport, even if it means breaking down gender stereo-types. Girls bring their emotional selves to football for example, and I teach them to embrace that–that is their true self so why hide it?

I have a strong set of morals and ethics that I have partly adopted from my parents, but some are also my own. My bootcamps teach girls to look beyond the filters, feel happy in their environment, be comfortable in their bodies and ultimately, make the most of being YOU.

I was extremely privileged to go to university and get a first class honours degree in International Business, but appreciate not everyone is. I, therefore, teach young individuals not to be limited by their environment etc, but to be who they want to be.

In today’s world, identity is also important in the online space. Social media can be a positive tool to help children develop and grow but it can also affect young peoples’ emotional and mental health.

Being too active on Social media and worrying about regularly posting pictures and status updates has been linked to anxiety, poor body image and diminished mental health. The constant seeking of approval from others and searching for external validation means that young people don’t develop a secure sense of self that isn’t dependant on arbitrary conditions of worth. This preoccupation with how other people react to what we post on social media can lead us all, particularly young people to feel unsure about their value. Constant posting may also open them up to receiving more negative or mean comments on line, rather than compliments or praise.

Social media is here to stay though, and while there are, of course, many benefits, it is important that we as parents, guardians, teachers, influencers, people in positions of responsibility etc, discuss with our kids the importance of using it in a healthier way. To this end, we need to equip them with tools to create a safe space within social media by talking about the impact of seeking approval from an online world that doesn’t really know them or comparing their lives to the edited versions of the lives they see online. This way they can be true to their own identity, on and offline.

For more hot tips, check out Your Identity Inside Out and Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out

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More To Identity Than Meets The Eye

There is so much to identity that does not meet the eye, yet it is what meets the eye that often describes who you are, at least to others—an African American teen girl or a black American teen girl is how I would have been described when I was about your age. And as the eyes swept over me, other factors such as my medium brown skin, the shape of my eyes, the size of my nose, and my medium length tightly coiled hair would have given more information in some way or another to the onlooker.

And presto, a peer, the teacher, the coach, the bus driver, whomever was sizing me up, had all they needed to know.  After all I was unmistakably all the things they could see through their filters.

But what they couldn’t see, unless opportunity arose, were the identity markers that are not necessarily seen through the filters that make assumptions and conjure up stereotypes, filters that define, that demarcate.

People can’t see inside of you, how your true self is connected to all the other factors, even in their purest form, without the filters. They cannot see what makes you tick. And may this continue. It is up you to unveil that.

For example, the stereotype that girls are not as good as boys in stem subjects—science, technology, engineering and maths still exists. Inroads are being made to dispel this stereotype and other similar ones but we have a long way to go, as explained in this article in The Guardian.

Anyhow, here is the thing about stereotypes and assumptions, they are illusive and disempowering such as the belief that one race might be superior to another or one gender has more rights than the other(s). There has to be a way around pigeonholing, right. Otherwise, simply going along with it make a big difference in your life experience, the difference in whether you follow a dream or not, believe you can achieve something or feel that you belong.

For me it comes down to writing new stories. But how do we do that?

First, be who you are. Do not apologise! This starts with understanding your history, your heritage, your starting place and being aware of how other people might see this. They are the ones holding the assumptions and stereotypes, not you! Don’t misunderstand, I am not proposing that we all walk around with a chip on our shoulder. It will either get knocked off or weigh you down. But there is a middle ground, if you will.

For example, as a tween, well into being a teen girl I loved activities that were associated with boys, see what I mean by stereotypes. I played baseball, ran, rode a dirt bike, climbed trees and had a boy best friend, who was my next door neighbour.  I was called a tomboy and only the other day fondly remembered those days. Harmless, right!

Maybe but why did I give up all these activities I loved ever so much. I didn’t write a new story. I lived in the one that was told to me, that I couldn’t be a girl and enjoy the same activities as boys. Lesson learned, embrace who you are. Do not turn yourself inside out to be someone else.

Next, don’t let Identity markers hem you into margins. Remember, negative connotations associated with your gender, race, nationality, your socio-economic status, your ability, your sexuality are not yours to own.  Doing so is restrictive.  Such thoughts as I can’t go to this and that school or play this or that instrument because of my….limits you.  

Give it a go, if you’d really like to, and if there are institutional barriers, write a new story. Of course, it is not as simple as that but as the old saying goes, there is more than one way to do anything.  I have seen two examples in the UK where women helped girls set up their own sports teams, one a basketball team and the other football.  Lesson learned, do it your way!

Last but not least, self-love is so important for many reasons but one thing for sure is that when you are living outside of the box, you just might get criticised and not always constructively. Also, you don’t always get awarded for your efforts or the external validation that you think you deserve.  Better to validate yourself, if you will. And I am not talking about bragging or throwing shade on others who perhaps got your props.   The key is to keep improving your game, honing your skills and enjoying the experiences along the way.  Lesson learned here is that learning to love yourself is a survival skill.

In the meantime, consider that identity is as much to do with what you are about (your character and so on) as it is to do with where you are from. And what you are about has a lot to do with where you are going.

Stay tuned for the new podcast series kicking off September 5. First up: Series 2, Episode 1: Your Identity Inside Out with Rachita Saraogi and Rebecca Thomson.  It is all about you inside out.