Tag: bullying

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Three Steps to Coping With Bullying

I can’t tell you how many times I have said under my breath, I cannot believe that this is happening to me. And for a split second, I’m tempted to ignore the situation, not even entertain it. Fair enough since a key thing to do when dealing with bullying is not to let the brutal words in.

Still, it is important to acknowledge what is actually happening–call a spade, a spade, accept that it is unhealthy and then talk about it.

Check out this snippet from Your Wellbeing Matters, offering great advice on how to cope with bullying.  And do listen to the full podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify and a host of other great podcast platforms. And when you are there leave a review to spread the word.

No matter how you look at it, bullying is unacceptable because the thing is, your wellbeing really matters.

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Don’t Let It In

I love Cat Williams’ advice ‘Don’t Let It In’ in our latest podcast Your Wellbeing Matters. The UIO two-time guest, a seasoned rapid transformational therapist, is, of course, talking about the unhealthy words of a bully.

Shame I didn’t fully understand this as a teenage girl all those years ago but to be honest, I don’t remember any consistent episodes of being bullied. There were the people who picked me out to pick on me, sure, but I managed to shake them off rather quickly somehow.

I would be fully ensconced in business–well sort of, it was my first real job–before I experienced real bullying, which can be self-esteem eroding at the very least. And because I didn’t understand the important concept of not letting other people’s misconstrued perceptions get into my head, I fled as fast as I could.

This would mean a different career path for me. My hopes and dreams of becoming a seasoned journalist who would walk straight into a writing or publishing career took a rather crooked path and frankly never arrived at its originally intended destination.

To this end, I have come to understand that tremendous emotional and mental unrest comes with taking responsibility for someone else’s unhealthy behaviour or words, no matter how powerful that person is or seems. Don’t believe them.

In my case, the person held all power at the place where I worked so it wasn’t a bad idea to pack my bags and leave. My mistake was taking the unnecessary baggage with me.

No wonder I can’t get Cat’s advice out of my head. Of course, there will be missteps–that is part of personal growth. But lessons needn’t take years to grasp, thanks to varied  resources such as UIO podcast.  So, if you haven’t listened to Your Wellbeing Matters yet, now is the time to check it out.

And whether you or someone you know is experiencing bullying, or even stumbling into a place where you are the bully, share the podcast for more advice on how to cope with bullying and keep life moving in a forward-facing direction.

When all is said and done, remember the words that serve you and the rest, don’t let it in.

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UIO Announces U Matter Campaign

With so many crises about, admittedly sometimes I feel like who I am and what I think doesn’t really matter much anymore.

Of course, some of our problems are eerily mysterious and seemingly beyond our control to find a permanent solution. Case in point: Covid 19. But even if it is not within our gift to eradicate it, effective governance of such a problem throws up questions about what matters most.

But this vlog is not about the management of Covid 19 or any other world crisis; we could debate such topics for hours, which many do.  So, I will refrain from that and rather focus on what really matters amid all the controversy, whatever the topic is.

The answer is ‘you’. That is why UIO is launching a new campaign, U Matter, with a new podcast series in early September.  Unfortunately, this will be our final podcast series as far as I know but more on that later.

What is key is that I continue to have a firm belief that teenage girls matter. Of course, all teenagers do but UIO has always been for and about teenage girls, tackling issues that disproportionately affect girls and women.

Thus, the U Matter campaign will feature four podcasts—Your Voice Matters with Cai Graham, Your Education Matters with Donna Morgan, Your Wellbeing Matters with Cat Williams, and Your Family Matters with Lisa Doodson.

I can tell you without a doubt that each podcast is packed with oodles of great information—all slated to rise to the top of the most listened to UIO podcasts. I say this because Voice, for example, is one of those topics that is always relevant, but some current trends tend to attempt to squash the voice of girls and women. And the fight for equal opportunity in Education continues throughout the world.

In addition, Wellbeing is a topic at the core of each of us. It is so important to remember that not only does physical wellbeing matter but emotional and mental health does, too.  So in this podcast, we focus on bullying.

And while it might feel clear at times that Family really matters, at others it does not.  Great societies are built on healthy families; there is plenty of research out there to back this up. But perhaps less research is available on the diversity and complexity of family structures nowadays.  Our podcast looks at the matter inside out.

Stay tuned for more information on the upcoming series. And rest assured that while the podcast aspect of UIO will wind down after this series, my commitment to teenage girls will step up.

It is my hope to work directly with as many girls as possible through organisations such as Compassion UK and schools, for example, throughout the world.  It is a matter of reallocating UIO’s resources to ensure that you the teenage girl continues to understand that: U Matter.

To this end, if you know of an issue that affects teenage girls and you think that UIO can help , contact me here.

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New Podcast Series Coming In May

As we prepare for our third podcast series to launch in May, I find myself preparing show notes on some rather tough subjects, one of them emotional bullying, a topic that is as elusive as it is complex.

Unfortunately, emotional bullying is likely the most common form of bullying because it wears so many different hats. Think of verbal abuse, social exclusion, spreading gossip and rumours, telling lies, name calling, backstabbing, betrayal, etc.

Health Direct, a website of the Australian Government sums it up as one person maintaining power or control over another person. And though there are varying definitions that link bullying and abuse to relationships, the point is: bullying is destructive and damaging whether in an intimate close up relationship or a distant one.

A key theme about emotional bullying is that it is repetitive. And according to the Positive Parenting Center’s website, the older girls get the more prevalent it becomes in their lives.

Make no mistake about it, however, emotional bullying is not just a girl thing.  It is something that can and does happen to any and everyone, regardless of background or age.  It just so happens that some statistics in the US show that physical bullying drops off somewhat for girls as they get older and emotional bullying increases.

Sadly, bullying makes its way into adulthood all too often.  I have far more memories of possibly being bullied in the workplace than I do at school. One of my first bosses was definitely an emotional bully, who attacked my work repeatedly and threatened to fire me, after I pointed out a clear matter of discrimination.  A close friend had a similar experience, though the attack on her came out of nowhere, causing her to change the course of her career.

Both experiences had mental and emotional consequences but thankfully we both saw the problem for what it was and managed to put a stop to it, which isn’t always the case.

Thinking back to my school days, however, unless bullying got physical, it wasn’t always called what it was.  That is the thing about emotional bullying; it is ambiguous and hard to stamp out for that very reason.  It is without the physical bruises, but the scars are there, if only the target feels them.

I have hazy memories of a particular student emotionally bullying certain kids on the school bus. I did my best to avoid the person but because this person didn’t have the mythical hallmarks of a bully, there was no proof in the pudding that the taunting was taking place, even if the person only poked and prodded with words– threats and lies.  And when all else failed, it was easy to spread rumours and gossip and forbid followers to hang out with the target.

In those days, help didn’t seem to be a stone’s throw away, though it likely was. Bullying wore a mask and in some ways still does. However, nowadays, the mask is being ripped away. The key is to recognise bullying for what it is and get help as soon as possible whether that means talking to a family member, close friend, teacher, someone you can trust.

And do check out past podcasts, all on our website, particularly On Dating Inside Out.  Again, watch this space:  our new series of UIO, the podcast for teen girls,  is coming in May with a great line up of guests, including a Paralympic three-time medallist, a popular radio personality, and a media entrepreneur creating opportunities for teen girls.

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Can We Be True To Our Own Identity, On And Offline?

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Elizabeth and I am both thrilled and somewhat nervous to have been invited to write a guest blog on the UIO podcast page. Writing a blog is a first for me so here goes….!

This week we are focusing on both identity and online wellbeing, topics that we’ve covered in our latest podcast. Though a person’s identity is shaped by many different aspects – family, culture, friends, personal interests, education, gender, religion, sexuality, socio-economic groups and so on, some factors may have more of an influence than others and as a person grows up, they are influenced by many aspects of their life. For example, family and culture may influence a person’s sense of responsibilities, ethics, morals, and humour, whereas friends may influence a person’s taste in clothing, music, speech, and social activities.

I believe however, that personal interests are what truly set individuals apart and shape identity. An individual is not a puppet and should be encouraged to explore what they like and don’t like, rather than following the crowd. To this end, society has had limited impact on my lifestyle, mostly because I tend not to follow trends. For example, throughout my teens I listened to Rock music while my friends followed the music trends at that time, such as Bros–even putting the bottle tops on their shoes! (Showing my age here!!!)

This tendency of mine to not follow my friends followed me into adulthood. I had several amazing jobs in the corporate world working in a 9 to 5 role, but always felt that working in this way wasn’t for me. So, partly due to circumstance and partly because I felt trapped, I re-trained as a personal trainer and sports coach, and then later as a digital marketer and VA.

Admittedly, having a career doing a role I actually like helps me to keep my identity as ‘Elizabeth,’ while also enjoying being a busy mum of two. Moreover, I love being in a position to be able to be a positive role model, giving everyone the same opportunities in sport, even if it means breaking down gender stereo-types. Girls bring their emotional selves to football for example, and I teach them to embrace that–that is their true self so why hide it?

I have a strong set of morals and ethics that I have partly adopted from my parents, but some are also my own. My bootcamps teach girls to look beyond the filters, feel happy in their environment, be comfortable in their bodies and ultimately, make the most of being YOU.

I was extremely privileged to go to university and get a first class honours degree in International Business, but appreciate not everyone is. I, therefore, teach young individuals not to be limited by their environment etc, but to be who they want to be.

In today’s world, identity is also important in the online space. Social media can be a positive tool to help children develop and grow but it can also affect young peoples’ emotional and mental health.

Being too active on Social media and worrying about regularly posting pictures and status updates has been linked to anxiety, poor body image and diminished mental health. The constant seeking of approval from others and searching for external validation means that young people don’t develop a secure sense of self that isn’t dependant on arbitrary conditions of worth. This preoccupation with how other people react to what we post on social media can lead us all, particularly young people to feel unsure about their value. Constant posting may also open them up to receiving more negative or mean comments on line, rather than compliments or praise.

Social media is here to stay though, and while there are, of course, many benefits, it is important that we as parents, guardians, teachers, influencers, people in positions of responsibility etc, discuss with our kids the importance of using it in a healthier way. To this end, we need to equip them with tools to create a safe space within social media by talking about the impact of seeking approval from an online world that doesn’t really know them or comparing their lives to the edited versions of the lives they see online. This way they can be true to their own identity, on and offline.

For more hot tips, check out Your Identity Inside Out and Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out